A Mother's Love

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell... anything for the money we needed, she was such an embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school, I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.

I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time.

Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night... I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom.

This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me. "What?! Who's this?!"... It was my mother... Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.

And I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared. Thank goodness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

Then a wave of relief came upon me... One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house... just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

She wrote:

My son... I think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.

You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine... I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me, I thought to myself, "it's because he loves me." I miss the times when you were still young around me.

I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me.

My world shattered!!! Then I cried for the person who lived for me... My Mother

Credit: http://www.futurefastforward.com/component/content/article/455
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Even though this is not my own story. No, I didn't study in Seoul, Nevertheless, we all share similar experience in the follies of life.

Temptations

Surely Heaven is just,
Surely earth is good.

Yet, temptations lurks all around,
My feet are prone to slipped
My heart envies the lawless,
for they eat, drink, callose all days,
carefree and increase their gains.

I asked myself,
I must be stupid to keep my heart pure,
I must be short changed in this life.
When I try to understand these,
Grief filled my heart
Injustice! shrieks from deepest being

Only when I turn to my Lord,
"Why are things as such?"
I see wisdom holding me tight
As a mother would a child,
She speaks their future into my heart,
with forethought, wisdom saves my life.

who have I in heaven but you?
Earth has nothing better besides you

My flesh and heart will surely fail
But God is the strength of my heart
My portion, my help, my shield forever

Be a tower of refuge to me Lord,
I will tell of all your saving deeds.

Busy Free- part 2

Since July, in my new job with an American Drilling Contractor
There had been much time to read and learn, I thank God unceasingly for,

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him
James : 1:5

In the past 3 months, I had the chance to learn of
The history of the early church and what happens after that
The development of the western thoughts, philosophy
the rise and falls of civilisation in the "evolution of civilisation" by Quirley
The books of the bibles, the world and times they are written (old testament)
The books of the bibles, the building of God's church and the fallacy of religion, the yeast of the pharisee Jesus warn us about (new testaments)
The works of Josephus
Relation between Queen Sheba and soloman
thousand and one nights
Hammurabi Code, Yassah Code
the modern bank- debt crisis, the sweet danger yoke of the application of ususry (interest)
Web of debt
The power of Law in controlling of humanity
The seal of soloman
The lesser seal of soloman
The protocol of the elders of zion
Eastern philosophy thoughts of buddhism and the teachings of the inner journey of salvation
The fallacy of chasing after the material things of the world
chinese thinkers in zhuang zi,
The Nag Hammadi scriptures: the missing sayings of Jesus
close relationships in human societies and developement through life stages

Indeed God is good, in his great love, he gives freely
For as the word of God says:

Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor
Ecclesiastes 7:12

Nor are you to be called 'teacher,' for you have one Teacher, the Christ.[b] 11The greatest among you will be your servant. 12For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted
Matt 23: 10

For Jesus himself is our teacher.

Busy-free

gosh.. look at how time flys.

Busy-Free .. that's what had been happening to me.

Some personal updates since the beginning of the year:

Jan - Recieved a banquet in the local newspaper
March - Terminated my service from the shipyard and joined a consultancy company
June - Left the consultancy company due to differences
July - Began work in shipyard once again

What's happening?- blessing or curse?

In this short walk in the journey of life,
the way of the world always delude me.

What seems like blessing.. hid danger
What seems like curse.. hid silver linings

therefore I endeavor to seek not blessings nor fear curse
but to walk in the middle path of life,
for all endeavors of men is but chasing after wind.
Accepting one's lot as God's providence
Attaining inner peace and obtaining happiness
Help me!